A Fair Trade

Day two. It's almost 11pm and I am SO hungry. It took every ounce of control and concentration to not leap up and eat half of the leftover cake and sticky buns on the kitchen counter... but I made a promise to myself NOT to eat past 8pm no matter what. So I'm filling my rumbling stomach with water for the evening... sigh.

I am, however, extremely proud of myself for resisting all of today's temptations and focusing on the life and body I am aiming to have. I had a granola bar, a banana, and a hard-boiled egg for lunch with a cup of coffee for my very very late breakfast. After that my sister and I walked to the park, went on the swings, and put our rollerskates on for a bit. In the July heat and considering the 1.5+ mile walk each way, I worked up quite a sweat! Then for dinner I had an Oriental Chicken Salad at Friendly's, which seemed like the healthiest thing on the menu (we always go out to eat with our dad on Tuesday nights, and to my dismay my siblings insisted on Friendly's). I looked up the calories later-- a whopping 750! Thank GOD I had a late breakfast! I had another 100 calorie granola bar before the clock struck 8pm... and I begrudgingly called it a night.

I talked to Gina about this in the car yesterday, but it seems that our consumerist society views food as a huge free for all. Since food is readily available in every variety and custom-built to make our mouths water enough to empty our pockets, we can't help but be dazzled. We're like wide-eyed kids in a candy store. We can't help but forget that there are consequences to our actions.

Nothing in this world is free... and though yes, we do pay for our food with the green stuff, that cheeseburger on the dollar menu is costing you much more than a dollar. Whenever you eat something unhealthy, you are making a different kind of transaction. You are essentially saying, "Ok, since I took this unhealthy food for a fleeting moment of satisfaction, I need to give away my health. I need to give away my attractive figure. I need to give away my positive self image. I need to give away my sanity and my happiness." WHAT? Giving up a happy life in exchange for temporary satisfaction? Does this sound like a fair trade?! Not to me it doesn't!

I'm looking to make trades that will benefit me. I want to trade my shame for PRIDE in my appearance. I want to trade in my laziness for ENERGY and STAMINA. I want to trade in my slovenly ways for organized PLANS and GOALS and DREAMS. I want to trade in my bad habits for good ones. I want to trade in depression for pure joy. The best part is, I don't need to worry about anyone failing to meet me halfway on these deals, because these are all deals I'm making with myself. Working hard and giving up old habits in exchange for the life I've always dreamed about? Now that's what I call a fair trade.

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-My dad for not mercilessly grilling me about why I don't have a job and understanding I just need time to relax and figure things out
-The beautiful (almost) full moon outside
-My sister for rollerskating around like an three year old child with me... I didn't feel so bad for being so out of practice! We'll get better. :)