Cramps!! Why??

So I did a little over 20 minutes on the elliptical this morning (and did 1.85 miles, I've never gone that fast before) when I started getting cramps again. I think it's almost that time of the month. Ugh. I had to stop because it was getting painful, which is sad because I wanted to at least get up to either a half hour or 2 miles, whichever came first. Is PMS-related cramping normal during workouts? It's annoying!

On the upside, I weighed myself and I'm down 8 pounds since I started! I'm right on schedule for the 15-20 pound goal before September. I haven't been at this weight in a while, so I'm pretty excited/happy. I'm supposed to go to New Brunswick for a meeting tomorrow morning, and I need to hop on a train at 8:48am which means I leave the house around 8:20. I REALLY want to get in a morning workout before I go, so I'm going to go to bed after I clean the kitchen and pack, and I'll set my alarm for 7am. I'm gonna throw on my workout clothes, hop on the treadmill for a half hour, shower, and be refreshed and energized for my day in the Brunz. I WANT those other 7+ pounds off in time! No more goofing off!

Ok, so now for the food intake: breakfast was some oatmeal with skim milk, Splenda, and a cut up banana. Didn't eat all of it. Lunch was a turkey sandwich on whole wheat pita with light mayo, lettuce, and tomato. Didn't eat all of it. Snack was.... ok ok shoot me... a green tea ice cream smoothie bubble tea. (I was in New Brunswick again to pick up my brother from orientation. Hey-- at least I went for green tea, which is much lower in fat and sugar. Oh-- and I didn't drink all of it!) Dinner was roast chicken with peas and stuffing. Had a TINY portion because I was stuffed from the green tea shake. After dinner I decided to make my mom her lunch for work, so I used the leftover roast chicken to make a cilantro chicken salad. I had to taste it a few times to make sure the spices were balanced, so that probably tacked on some extra calories... but I feel like I had some to spare, even after my green tea moment of weakness.

I'm doing so much better. I FEEL so much better, not to mention more confident in my ability to control portions. I need to try and do cardio every day and make NO excuse not to do so (there's a treadmill in my basement, I mean come on.) I've read it's the best exercise to lose weight-- most strength training just beefs up muscles and doesn't burn fat. Then again, that's just what I've read.

8 pounds... 32 more to go!! Now if only I could get these silly cramps to stop...

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-Losing eight pounds thus far. Obviously.
-My mom's car! I love driving it. I drove to the gym, to the Shoprite, and back home today. I think I'm getting the hang of it!
-My summer thus far. It's been a great time to reflect, relax, and change my ways.

Marshmallow Madness

So I had no excuse not to run on the treadmill today. No excuse at all. I guess I really enjoy playing with the puppy and hanging out with my sister... but tomorrow I really need to step it up!

I'm pretty happy with what I ate today, and I'm glad to see that my family is starting to prepare more health-conscious meals that I don't have to continually scowl about. Breakfast was 1 1/2 fried eggs made with EVOO of course hahaha (I didn't finish half an egg), yogurt, and a banana. Lunch was two leftover meatballs on a slice of whole wheat instead of a roll and a peach. I snacked on a handful of cherries and a marshmallow treat (hold on, I'll explain in a sec). For dinner I had a turkey burger with cheese on a whole wheat bun with a bit of ketchup and mustard and two sandwich pickles... and of course, some salad. My stepdad pointed out that he chose to make french fries with 0 fat and 0 cholesterol, which was sweet of him and all, but I'm trying to take it easy with potatoes. I had two just to taste them, but that's it. I was content with my salad. :)

Ok, so the marshmallow treat. It was the generic Target brand of Rice Krispies Treats, and initially I wasn't going to eat one, till I read the label hoping it would discourage me further. But listen to this: 90 calories. 2.5 grams of fat. 0 grams of saturated fat. 7 grams of sugar. THAT'S IT! It's actually BETTER for you than the Little Debbie 100-calorie packs! I thought it would have WAY more sugar and WAY more calories... but it's the perfect snack (to have occasionally) to curb my ferocious sweet tooth. This is the greatest snack discovery I have made thus far, I swear to God. I'm going to STOCK UP in my apartment!

I read an article about recommended added sugar intake (not natural sugar that we find in fruits and vegetables)... and it suggests 32 grams for a 2,000 calorie diet. After doing a little math, I found out that for me that translates to 22.4 grams. I haven't been eating that much added sugar at ALL since I started this thing, save for some almond coffee creamer on occasion, and those times I ate candy and cheesecake. I can totally deal with a single marshmallow treat taking up 1/3 of my daily added sugar intake... I mean hey, I've been warming up to Splenda quite a bit, and I don't use things like ketchup, maple syrup, or honey that often. Ahh, sugar, my kryptonite. I now know I can have it in one of its most wonderful forms: marshmallows! (Sometimes.)

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-Marshmallow treats for being relatively low-cal and almost guilt free to eat!
-My stepdad for preparing healthy food for dinner! Yay!
-My mom for telling me I look like I lost weight. Thanks mom, but I'm pretty sure I still look the same. For now anyway!

Home at Last

I had a pretty good day at work today... my mom was texting me my Pop-Pop's vitals all day. When I finished work, I went to Philly to see him again. The nurse was there and took his pulse... 119. I took my Mom-Mom to AC Moore- she had to go- and I got some stuff for my class... couldn't help it.

Ok, so let's discuss the food situation. For breakfast I had a wheat bagel with cream cheese and OJ, for lunch I had a turkey hoagie from Duffield's which was really good. I ate the whole thing... I don't know why. I guess I was eating my feelings. Ugh. I had a cheesesteak for dinner to top it off. I can't handle stress! I need a way to stay on track when I'm not home and I'm stressed! Any ideas? I guess I should have packed something? ...Well it feels good to be home.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) Short blogs
2) The Nanny
3) meebo.com

Goodnight.

It Started Out Good...

Today was the day that I got to meet my very first class!! I met 4 of 6 students and they were great! I really enjoyed the day... I observed, interacted, and learned from them. I can't wait to start- September 1st!!

After dinner is when the day turned... I got a phone call from my Uncle Frankie and found out that my Pop-Pop was not responsive and he was put on oxygen. We rushed over to the house and he was just lying there. I got him to open his eyes a few times and even shake his head to a few of my questions. The nurse was there before we got there and told my Mom- Mom that he may only have hours to live, he hasn't had food or water in 3 days... not a good sign. *sigh*

For breakfast I had a naked wheat bagel... I skipped lunch since I was observing (I did pass up a double cheese burger that one of the assistants had offered- woohoo). Dinner was two chicken legs baked in the oven with seasonings and some EVOO (LOL!) I also had some green beans and homemade mashed potatoes- two servings. Boo. I didn't have any Chinese food at my Mom-Mom's- even though it smelled amazinggggggg. I did have a gladed f-n doughnut... I don't know why. Stress? Who knows. Ugh. And once again no workout. Blah. I really hope tomorrow we can actually try out the Yoga DVD together!!

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) Having an amazing Pop-Pop... and all of our memories
2) My Uncle for being so wonderful in so many ways
3) My new class!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!

P.S. The picture is from when my Pop-Pop was in a harmonica band- in a Dr. Pepper ad. He is the one on the right with the black hat. =) Pretty cool, huh?

Balance

I was extremely well-behaved today! I managed to endure watching my sister polish off leftover fish tacos and beans, gorge on sweets, and snack mercilessly... not to mention our usual Food Network Nighttime marathon. Yeah, the cakes on the Food Network Challenge looked amazing, and yes, my leftovers smelled fantastic, but I didn't give in.

All I ate today was a serving of Special K Blueberry with skim milk and a banana (a serving is only 3/4 cup! imagine that!), about 1/4 of leftover turkey and cheese hoagie with a peach for lunch, and a large iceberg lettuce salad with a drizzle of dressing with a single slice of spinach white pizza without crust for dinner. That's ALL. I think I might have a huge glass of water before bed and call it a night. No cheesecake for me, I didn't earn it yet!

I attempted to jog on the treadmill for 15 minutes straight on speed 5.0, but my stomach started getting cramped after 4 minutes so I switched to 4.0 for the remainder of the mile and called it quits, thinking I was in for a serious workout at the end of the day. Unfortunately Gina had to take care of an important family matter tonight, so our plans were again postponed. Hope everything's ok, Gi, I'm thinking about you! I intend to make up for it by doing another more intense jog tomorrow morning after driving lessons, and then really kicking butt for our basement workout!

Edit: I just did some work on the calorie counter, and I probably have a bit of leeway. I think I underate today! Between the size of my hoagie (it was TINY), the size of my breakfast, and the fact that I skipped the huge crust on my already-thin pizza... according to the website and if I rounded UP with everything, I barely ate a thousand calories. Unacceptable! So I had a 120-calorie coconut Whole Fruit bar for dessert. Yum.

Guess there's a lesson here: I need to learn to strike a balance. I don't need to starve myself, I just need to eat healthy and eat less. But not too much less!

我想去中国！

Ok, for anyone who has never tried Special K Blueberry: it's amazing. We ran out of milk so I mixed some in with my yogurt.... DELICIOUS. For lunch I had about 1/3 of a turkey and cheese hoagie and a peach... and for dinner I made fish tacos with rice and beans (all from scratch, amazing, I know). I modified the recipe to include pan-seared tilapia instead of deep-fried cod, and for the spicy white sauce, light sour cream instead of yogurt, and light mayo instead of regular. The rice and beans were very simple... just white rice cooked with a can of black beans and a can of stewed tomatoes. I took a reasonable amount of rice and beans, but I had two enormous tacos. Should have stuck to one... but hey, I was impressed by my own cooking! Definitely gonna ease up on the fresh cilantro next time and kick up the spicyness a notch. I caved and had a 70-calorie lime fruit bar for dessert. Couldn't resist, it was hot and humid today!

Promise to self: I WILL jog on the treadmill tomorrow for at least 15 minutes. No. Excuses.

Today I parallel parked five times in a row without hitting a single cone. I think I'm totally ready for my test on the 20th! Oh, and for the past two hours, I've been researching more English teaching jobs in China... and I ended up messaging one school! I hope they get back to me... their program is VERY enticing, and it's located in a typical Chinese teeming metropolis, but off the beaten path for the typical English-speaking tourist (right up my alley-- I HATE touristy cities and I'd LOVE to be forced to speak Mandarin outside the classroom!) I also found another really great program in a more rural area with devastatingly gorgeous scenery (see above, I swear it's real) sure to inspire my artistic side. I am more than confident I could KILL an application and a phone interview, no problem. The more I think about it the more right it feels. I should spend a year in China (at least), teaching English to children, and turning Mandarin into my third language. And the best part is, my mom supports it! "Travel when you're young," she said to me.

I do. And I will continue!

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-the extensive teachabroad.com database. So. Organized.
-my driving teacher for teaching me a failproof parallel parking method and for giving me the confidence to pass my test in a few weeks!
-the thrill of whipping up new and exciting food. Fish tacos are very west coast and very delicious... I can't wait to make them again, but better yet, I can't wait to keep experimenting with cooking!

I'm Back...

I haven't blogged in DAYS. I'm having a problem with internet on my laptop, but now that I've uninstalled AIM and updated a few things, it seems to be keeping connection for more than one minute!

I haven't done the best with food choices over the weekend, Danielle and I discussed our small issues and I think, once again, we're over them. There are bumps in this road but we aren't stopping and that's what counts. I can't recall everything I've had since I blogged last but I did make some great choices for breakfast and lunch... usually its later in the day that messes me up. Today was different...

I started off with a wheat bagel with whipped cream cheese (less calories) for breakfast... I just have a thing for bagels in case you haven't noticed. I have them a few times a week, but I try not to have them every morning. I like to mix it up with yogurt and peaches mixed together. Anyway, for lunch I had one slice of ham and one slice of cheese on whole wheat flat bread which I'm finding has a funny aftertaste... maybe it will be better toasted. I also had 100 calorie pop corn from the school store (haha) and yogurt with fruit on the bottom. When I came home from school I had a 100 calorie pack of Lorna Doone shortbread cookies- YUM! My mom made a delicious dinner with pieces of chicken, basil, rice (should have been brown but no one else likes it), string beans and crushed tomato. It was amazing. I had one helping, and tried to eat more of the chicken and string beans as opposed to the rice.

Tonight I was all ready to workout for an hour and a half- I finished dinner early, had a cup of coffee- I was ready to go! The damn lights go out just as I was getting ready to change into workout gear. GRRRRRRR! The lights didn't come on until much later (I thought it was earlier since our clocks were all messed up.) When I realized what time it really was, we decided it was a bit late. Ugh. I had so much to do to get ready for tomorrow-- I'm going to meet my first official class!!! AHHH! I'm getting so excited just thinking about it! They are expecting me around 10 o'clock so I'm going to get up nice and early to be prepared. I want to bring a notebook and everything so I can take notes and make observations about the children. =)

I better get some rest, if I can sleep!! Goodnight.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) Danielle for not giving up!
2) Every teacher I've ever had for making a difference in my life =)
3) My mom for continuing to support me <3

Tomorrow is another day

So I had my least proud moment today in the history of my new diet... and it's the usual suspect-- bubble tea. Yes, I was in New Brunswick, home of my favorite restaurants and cafes, and I fell prey to a coconut red bean ice cream smoothie bubble tea from I's Cafe. Was it worth it? The first half was. The second half made me feel guilty and gave me a huge stomach ache. I WAS, however, astonished that my roasted vegetables and hummus wrap from Sanctuary (which I usually demolish in five minutes) proved too large for my ever shrinking appetite, so I opted for half. For dinner we had meatball sandwiches and pierogi (YUM), but alas, I was still so full from the ice cream smoothie that I had two meatballs (no roll), a single pierog (which is the singular form in Polish, the plural is pierogi -- hence, 'pierogies' makes as much sense as 'dogses'), and some salad.

Yesterday was similarly disappointing diet-wise... I followed up my usual breakfast with a soft pretzel (WHAT?!) and the rest of the pork and spicy turnip soup from Chinatown (don't worry, it amounted to a single serving). For dinner I made linguini (made with bleached flour, hooray) with clam sauce (nice and oily, and from the can!), so I only put a bit of it on my plate next to a heaping pile of salad. I watched my other family members absolutely PILE the pasta on their plates, and go for seconds!! I can't believe I used to do that. Crazy. And yesterday, I had a teensy weensy sliver of my peanut butter chocolate cheesecake... still not sure why. Couldn't resist, I suppose.

I think I need an adjustment. There is no way I'm going to cut out the things I love to eat out of my life completely. It is not possible, I am a food lover through and through, it simply cannot happen. So here is my solution: I will, whenever possible, find healthier alternatives to the things I love (low-fat ice cream or frozen yogurt instead of Ben and Jerry's, whole wheat pasta instead of regular, etc). However, for things that are absolutely irreplaceable (coconut red bean ice cream smoothie bubble tea, cheesecake, etc)... I will maintain two aspects: sparsity and portion reduction. Next time I will let a friend finish my bubble tea, and I won't eat my cheesecake two nights in a row. Complete deprivation will lead to (and started to lead to) a crash, and I will not allow that to happen. I refuse to fail!

For tonight's basement workout we had new toys to play with: yoga mats, an exercise band, a jumprope, and an exercise ball! I can't wait to use them more tomorrow, it definitely keeps things interesting and adds variety to what we've been doing. I also am going to try and stop walking briskly on the treadmill and start jogging. I think I'm ready for it (I jogged for almost a mile at a speed of 5.0, and I'm pretty sure I could handle more than that time-wise.) I hope to eventually jog for three miles without stopping, and jumprope for five minutes without stopping. These are my goals and I'm going to stick to them.

Tomorrow holds exciting things for me. I'm in the process of completing my six hours and I'm going to learn parallel parking, and on Thursday I'm going out on the highway. Whew. Wish me luck!

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-Gina for sticking with me through this life change. We've had our moments of weakness but we've done wonderfully so far!
-Sanctuary for having the most mind-blowing wraps I have ever had.
-The palm reader I saw the other day who told me I'm going to write a book that will become famous, and that I'm destined to help those less fortunate than I. She inspired me to look further into teaching abroad, which I'm resolved to do once I graduate. :)

I <3 Hugh

Ok I'm exhausted so lemme make this a short one:

Breakfast was yogurt mixed with a banana and a granola bar (again), lunch was tilapia and leftover pork fried rice (just a tad, I promise) and dinner.... well... I swear, my family can't go five minutes without Chinese food. It's sad really. We wound up in Chinatown in Philly and had ourselves a Chinese food feast that consisted of soup, satay chicken, and shrimp lomein. I ate way too much today. I still managed to have a quarter piece of my cheesecake AND some Cabernet Sauvignon before I finally stopped eating. UGH. And no workout today either! After driving lessons I SWEAR TO GOD I am hitting the treadmill like there's no tomorrow.

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-Ocean City for being the same as it was when I was a kid.
-Philadelphia's Chinatown for having the best food ever, even if it's terrible for me.
-Movies that star Hugh Jackman. I saw Deception today and while the plot was weak, he was smokin' as usual. :D

Three miles and red walls

At some point today I decided... I need to paint my apartment bedroom walls red. It'll be good for maintaining my energy and motivation, not to mention inspiration and creativity. Red suits me somehow, despite how laid-back I can be.

This morning at the gym I decided to go a bit faster on the treadmill-- 4.1-- and ran for over three and a half miles, which took almost an hour. I don't want to do too much too fast, so I'll probably stick with 4.1 for the remainder of the week, unless I strongly feel I can handle more (which I do, but I don't want to hurt myself.) I know 4.1 isn't considered much, but I'll get there.

Let's see, food intake... For breakfast I was back to 90 calorie yogurt and a banana, with a serving of those Nature Valley granola bars and of course my coffee. Breakfast was late again, so I warded off hunger with a single strawberry and a plum until dinnertime, which was this disappointingly fatty roast that was slow cooked in the crock pot. I only had one roast sandwich on whole wheat with a bit of barbecue sauce and tomato, and that's it. No potato chips, no baked beans. I had been told that it was just roasting in some gravy, but after polishing it off and seeing some juice drip onto my plate, I saw immediately that the "gravy" was really 90% oil. GROSS. Everyone else ate twice as much meat as I did, plus the chips, plus the beans... so I guess I don't feel as bad.

My sister has been begging me for the past week and a half to try and make a peanut butter chocolate cheesecake, so I went ahead and tried it tonight. Yes, I ended up licking the batter a bit, but I don't plan on having a slice once it's done. I put almost an entire jar of peanut butter in the batter and I made the crust out of Nutter Butters. Nuff said. I'm upset that it got too late to work out tonight, but I don't feel horrible since I did three miles this morning and I'm probably doing another three miles tomorrow.

I'm happy to see from Gina's post that she's feeling as optimistic and motivated as I am since we came out of our slump. Even though our workout got postponed today, I know our mentalities are back on track-- for instance, we pledged to go for a longer workout than usual next time. I was on foodnetwork.com today searching for some nice light recipes for when I move into my apartment and take full control of my diet. I'm excited to learn how to prepare all those proteins in fun ways (I think I've only ever made a chicken dish three times in my entire life!) Well, all that's gonna change. I'm gonna eat healthy, and I'm going to make it all myself!

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-The new little black dress I picked up from JC Penney today. All the dresses in there were half off, my mom and I couldn't resist!
-foodnetwork.com for having an entire section devoted to healthy eating
-Gina for staying strong and positive! It really helps to read her entries :)

Back on Board!

Hello again! I did not blog yesterday since I had a long day in South Philly with my pop-pop. He really isn't doing well, and isn't eating... on the opposite end of the spectrum, there's me who ordered a cheese steak last night and ate it at 9:30 at night! UGH! I cannot keep doing that to myself. It is kind of funny (or not) that we both went off track... Danielle was on vacation and I... had no excuse. But never fear- I'm back on board. I was a little discouraged the past week, I don't know why... but I'm back and motivated again. I have so many things to look forward to once I'm back at a normal weight: there's the TWO tattoos I would like to get (Danielle- remind me to tell you about the one I just thought of!), there's seeing people you haven't seen in a long time, OUR VACATION, and just feeling better!

I packed a yogurt today, but didn't get a chance to eat it. It sat out for about an hour and half without me realizing it... I put it in the refrigerator and ate it later- big mistake- I think that's what made me sick tonight. Anyway... I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat (don't knock it!), 100 calorie pop corn, and that rancid yogurt. LOL I don't know what I was thinking! When I came home I took another nap-- booooo! For dinner I had chicken breast with homemade mashed potatoes. Not too too bad I guess... considering I didn't eat anything after dinner. Danielle and I worked out for the first time again tonight-- it's been about a week and we were both feeling it. It was tough to get back into the swing of things but I'm so glad Danie was there to keep me motivated!!! The workout music was awesome and I went longer on the treadmill, even pushing up the speed. Tomorrow my goal is to workout after work on the treadmill and again after dinner with Danie. =) Wish me luck!

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) Danielle, of course, for keeping me motivated and making me WANT to workout
2) Showers... *sigh*
3) This blog! =)

Getting back into the groove

I'm so sorry I haven't been keeping up, there was just no internet in Long Island and I actually would hate to admit some of the things that I've been eating over the past few days (yes, I ate such things as fried eggs, french toast, pancakes, peanut butter and jelly, cheesecake, candy and ice cream... but insanely small amounts, and on separate occasions of course.) I didn't even get a chance to work out, save attending a one-hour strength workout class. Though I'm disappointed in myself, overall I'd say I exhibited a great deal of self control (despite the huge amounts of lunch and dinner prepared for us, I never went for seconds like everyone else, and I resisted the various forms of cake and cookies all over the house.) I definitely could have gone without the sugar intake that I allowed myself, but it was literally all they had besides salad. It appears my aunt and I share the same sweet tooth problem. But still, I think I ate about half of what my sister ate, for example.

I realize that despite the "health consciousness" of my aunt, she goes overboard with portion size, and a lot of the "organic" stuff she has isn't really that much healthier. I did put natural honey in my steel-cut oatmeal this morning, and though it was DELICIOUS, I know I could have opted for Splenda. We drove home during lunch time, so we had an early dinner, which was... Chef Chun's. AGAIN. I had a half cup of white rice with a serving of hunan chicken, and a half a bowl of hot and sour soup, and that's IT. I didn't have the pork fried rice or the general's chicken (which I found out can be over 800 calories per serving!)

Tonight I worked out with Gi in her basement again... and I got pretty sore pretty fast! I need to get back into the swing of things. I had a nice vacation, and that was great and all, but it threw me off track. I need to be working hard to make good habits to take with me to school, where all my favorite unhealthy foods are and where everyone around me wants to drink and smoke. I need to learn to be strong and not give into temptation. I don't have to deprive myself of things, I just need to take control. If I allow myself a scoop of ice cream one day, I can't go and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the next day (even if it's on whole wheat). I need to be really careful about all the sugar cuz it adds up fast.

Tomorrow I hit the gym with my mom again. I'm gonna work extra hard to burn off that pound I gained while on vacation! Ugh!!

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-Coming home and having my bed back
-The workout playlists I made last week... can't wait to use them in the gym tomorrow!
-My cousins for making me laugh all week... I really missed them.

Exercise... Or Not

No, I did not exercise today- but I thought it was pretty funny! I'm feeling really guilty for not working out while Danielle is gone!! Tomorrow is Wednesday, so maybe we'll get a chance to, but if not we might have to do two hours on Thursday! haha

Today I had a wheat bagel with cream cheese for breakfast since I forgot yogurt, a veggie burger on wheat flat bread and mandarin oranges for lunch. It's not what I wanted, but it's what I had. For dinner I had to small, thin chicken cutlets and yes they were fried. :( I also had a serving of broccoli florets, the ones that you microwave in the bag; they're really good! I also had a small baked potato and didn't finish the entire potato. After dinner I had a weight watcher's cookies and cream ice cream(2 pts- not bad) which was really delicious. They also have mint chocolate chip, but I like the cookies and cream better. =D

We watched Coraline in 3D today when I came home from work. It was pretty cool, but I guess I expected more. (Plus I fell asleep for a little while watching... shhh! haha) Now I'm watching a show called JAIL... haha this stuff cracks me up! Ok, I'm going to get a shower and get some sleep.

Three things I'm thankful for today:

1) My family =)
2) Tia, Sport and Marley <3
3) My amazing vision board

Weak for bubble tea

So the internet isn't working on my laptop at all ever since I got here... so I'm now using my mom's now that I have a minute. I'm gonna try and make this brief since I'm EXHAUSTED from walking around NYC and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.

Let's see... yesterday morning I started out at my house with a cup of coffee and Nature Valley granola bars, only to be met with a delicious brunch at my aunt and uncle's place in Long Island which consisted of fruit salad, challah french toast, and smoked salmon. I had a little bit of everything and didn't join everyone when they went back for seconds... oh, and I had another cup of coffee. I had a piece of cheese, a few grapes, and a carrot stick with hummus to hold me over until dinnertime. We went to this Mexican place where I had the pollo a la grill, which was just grilled chicken with veggies, with no sauce or anything like that. I only ate half of it because the portion was huge, but it was enough.

Today we had the same thing for breakfast as yesterday, but instead of challah french toast I had a fried egg (I know I know, but it was just one). For lunch we hit the West Village for this peanut butter and jelly restaurant Andy saw on TV, and it was pretty cool! I had a strange sandwich on whole wheat with pineapple jam, spicy peanut butter, and grilled chicken. Again, I ate half. When we hit the makeshift market through Times Square, I found a bubble tea stand and lost all control-- I ordered a supersweet enormous passionfruit bubble tea and practically chugged it. I didn't realize what had happened until my cup was empty... ugh I still feel guilty about that. Then for dinner, we hit a gyro place where I had a lamb kebob sandwich on pita (didn't eat the whole pita) and a few sips of Diet Coke.

Today was one of the most unhealthy days I've had since I started this thing. I know I'm on a family vacation but that is no excuse. I need to learn to refuse bubble tea... I didn't realize how weak I can get in its presence.

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-My aunt and uncle for being so accommodating.
-New York City for always providing an adventure!
-Bubble tea. My kryptonite. But omg, it's delicious.

ACK!!

I had a pretty off-day today. I wasn't really in the mood for anything today, however we did have company. I hope it didn't show too much. lol

Well, for breakfast I had a mini bagel with cream cheese and a yogurt. I didn't really have lunch since I was in the pool vacuuming, which is a pretty good arm workout! haha After I got out of the pool I had some provolone cheese and crackers. My dad grilled for dinner and I had a burger between the Arnoldo's Flat Bread (100 calories and yummy), baked beans, and a baked potato :( I also had some salad. Here comes the bad part, for dessert I had fruit... and... wait for it... a piece of apple pie. FML. Now I'm laying here thinking about how much I DON'T want to go to work tomorrow. Ugh. Another night without working out... just not enough hours in the day today. I'm really pissed at myself. Tomorrow is a new day, though.

Three things I'm thankful for today:

1) Pleo (I'm waiting for him to arrive)
2) My pool...
3) The Secret... I KNOW I'll have a better day tomorrow.

Everyone LOVES Them Some SB

Today was another really good day. For breakfast I had a K2O Protein Water which was pretty good. For lunch I had two mini bagels with cream cheese. Then came dinner... Danielle was talking about Chef Chun's yesterday so when it came time for dinner, that's what we got. I ordered much less for than we usually do, especially since my mom and I are both dieting. I had some wanton soup (only two wantons), chicken fried rice, and vegetable lo mein. I shouldn't have had all of the lo mein that I did, looking back, but you live and learn I guess. After dinner, my mom, dad, brother, his girlfriend and I went to the movies to see Bruno. Oh. My. God. I highly recommend this movie if you are in to really inappropriate movies- lol. F.Y.I. Don't see it with your family... haha

Anyway, when we got home I had another Mango Fruit Bar. I kind of messed up with another scoop of lo mein... =( and no workout. Fail. But it's okay because I will definitely have to make up for it tomorrow.

Three things I'm thankful for today:

1) Laughter... =)
2) My Family
3) Pleo the Dinosaur... who will soon me mine!! lol

FRIDAY!

I'm going to have to make this a quick blog since my eyes are hardly open!!! Today I had a mini-wheat bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, a lean cuisine pizza for lunch- last one in the freezer, finally!! I came home and had a glass of Mango Peach V8 Splash. That was delicious! We didn't really have dinner tonight so I grabbed a bagel with cream cheese and a yogurt for dinner.

Dani and I worked out again tonight, it was very hard to get motivated but we did it! I really liked the five minute intervals of the treadmill. It made the time pass, and I got some more cardio in. I ran on 5.0 for 30 seconds- ha!- and I climbed on level 10 elevation on 2.5. Not bad, not bad. After our workout, we had that delicious mango fruit bar that Danie blogged about. Yum.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) The Jonas Brothers for providing entertainment for my class today
2) SPONGE BOB who apparently he turned 10!
3) My pillow *sigh* goodnight :)

Forbidden food

I spent most of today hanging out with my mom and sister, ya know, just cleaning up around the house, getting everything together for our vacation, playing with the puppy, watching Spongebob... the usual. We don't leave till 6am tomorrow morning, so Gi and I finally got a chance to work out again. I would not have done two miles on the elliptical with my mom this afternoon if I had known we were going to leave tomorrow, I would have saved all my energy for our evening basement workout. But oh well, it made me feel better about what I ate for dinner (to be mentioned later.)

And now, the usual food log. I decided to skip out on the delicious-smelling bacon and fried eggs my mom made and stick to oatmeal with skim milk and Splenda, an apple, and a 3/4 of a cup of instant cappuccino (delicious, but not something I'll have every morning... not worth the extra calories.) For lunch I had an amazing buffalo blue chicken wrap from Wawa (364 calories, not bad!), and for dinner... well... we ordered Chinese food. I know, I know, it's worse than the pizza I ate last night. But I only had a small bowl of hot and sour soup, a tiny helping of white rice (I resisted the pork fried rice to my amazement), four pieces of general's chicken and a few forkfuls of shrimp lomein... and that was more than enough. I even had a stomach ache when I was done eating it... I probably should have had salad instead of white rice, but oh well.

Now let me be clear. Chef Chun's is the gold standard of Chinese food in my opinion. I find myself craving it constantly, especially on Mondays when they're closed. I usually not only LOAD my plate with insane helpings of shrimp lomein, pork fried rice, general's chicken, and beef with broccoli... but I almost always go for seconds. This time, I chose to eat about half of what I would go for in a single serving, and it proved to fill me up PLENTY. I am beginning to believe that most of my problem is not what I eat, it's how much I eat. Just by simply changing my portion sizes I can lose SO much weight. Of course I want to shift towards healthier food and away from pizza and cheesesteak and Chinese food as regular fixtures... but there's nothing wrong with having the "forbidden" stuff sparingly and in VERY small portions. You only live once!

After our workout tonight we treated ourselves to 60 calorie mango fruit bars... and oh my dear sweet God, they are the most amazing popsicles I've EVER eaten. I can't believe how healthy they are, it's just unreal. I'm happy to realize that healthy alternatives to the crappy foods we enjoy are everywhere, we just need to look for them.

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-Wawa for having healthy food! Yay!
-Those mango fruit bars for being absurdly delicious
-Staying an extra day before leaving for New York. Glad I got to see Gi before I left!

I Love Rain

I really wish the torrential downpour would have lasted longer today. I love the rain, it's so soothing, especially in the summertime when it falls in sheets and cools down the air. Sometimes I like to sit outside on the porch and watch a summer storm go by. Does that make me weird?

This morning I had a bowl of Total with skim milk and peaches (we ran out of blueberries and bananas), and for lunch I filled a bowl with a very small amount of rice, two tiny pieces of pork roast from last night, and a drizzle of soy sauce. I tend not to worry too much about sodium, since I always have good blood pressure. In the afternoon I hit the treadmill and ran for 3 miles (ok, so it wasn't running, my speed was 3.7... but I plan on upping it gradually every week. Baby steps!) For dinner my stepdad ordered pizza to my dismay, but instead of taking a slice of cheesesteak pizza, I took a slice of pineapple instead, and left out the crust. That together with salad topped with a couple small grilled chicken strips and yogurt dressing was plenty for me. I would usually eat three slices or more! My roommate came to visit and we hit Starbucks, where I had the same thing as yesterday. I'm starting to get used to this artificial sweetener business.

Ok, so I had some chocolate pudding tonight. We made it ourselves using SKIM milk, and I had a single serving, which is around 180 calories. I do not feel guilty, I am actually happy that after eating it I didn't want to go for seconds or thirds. I'm pretty sure when all is said and done, I didn't much exceed my 1400 calorie limit for today, especially with my 50-minute workout. Tomorrow I'm hitting the elliptical machines with my mom again... and I'm gonna try and go another 3 miles. We'll see what happens! Then tomorrow night we hit the road for Long Island... sigh... I wanted to leave Saturday, but apparently my parents want to get the hell out of here ASAP. My aunt is a staunch vegetarian and health food fanatic, which gives me the perfect environment to keep up with my diet. She'll probably also give me some great health tips, so I guess in a way I'm looking forward to this.

Things I'm thankful for today:

-My roomie. She's the greatest for driving 45 minutes each way just to bum around with me and play with the puppy.
-Having a treadmill in the house. Seriously, it's a godsend.
-The rain for reminding me that the weather does not always reflect my mood. Today was a good day. :)

All Smiles

I almost didn't blog again tonight... stupid internet. I had a really great day at work today, I was in the class with my friends who always make the day more enjoyable. The kids are great in that class too. There's this one boy who is so pleasant and happy- almost all day- and has the cutest laugh! The only thing is, he has several seizures everyday. *sigh* Tomorrow I'll be the teacher in another class on the other side of the school. I'm excited since I have never been a substitute teacher in this school.

So today I had a wheat bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, peanut butter and jelly on wheat for lunch with a side of chips (ugh I know), and for dinner I had the most disgusting pizza ever. Don't order from Slack's for pizza. Ew. After dinner I went shopping for a bunch of delicious diet food with my dad. Can't wait to try some! I'll blog about my recommendations. haha

No workout again tonight. I didn't really mind, since I was really tired again. I was able to polish my fingers and toes :) woohoo!

Three things I'm thankful for today:

1) My health... which is improving each day with this life change!
2) Friends at work... :)
3) Mango fruit bars... yummm

I'm ready!

I saw the last showing of Harry Potter last night, after which I promptly passed out. I'll try not to do that anymore, I need to force myself to blog before I go to sleep! The movie was fantastic though... I can't believe there are only two left!

Yesterday was generally a lazy day. I didn't get a chance to work out, mostly because I woke up too late to hit the treadmill before my brother invaded the basement. I definitely need to get in a really great workout before I leave for Long Island... Lord knows I spend most of my time there just lounging around and reading. I confess that when I came home from the movie, I was extremely tempted to help myself to a huge bowl of ice cream. I think the cravings are going to keep coming as the the weather gets warmer... there's really nothing I can do about it. If I can be good the entire weekend away, I should allow myself a small helping of something sweet and delicious as a reward when I come home.

Yesterday's breakfast consisted of the usual fruit and yogurt mixed in with a handful of Total for some crunch, followed by some leftover tilapia and rice with salad for lunch. I was super hungry in the middle of the afternoon so I satisfied my stomach with an apple and a nice tall glass of water. For dinner I had three small pieces of pork roast with a ton of sauerkraut and salad. My cousin came over to visit and she was hungry, so we hit Starbucks and I treated myself to a small sugar-free hazelnut iced coffee that I fixed with nonfat milk and Splenda. Delicious. Amazing that I didn't mind her chowing down on an egg salad sandwich, a glazed donut, and a strawberry milkshake right next to me.

The other night I saw a documentary on VH1 with my sister about Spongebob Squarepants (one of my favorite cartoons), and while it was very entertaining, the staff always look like they're having a party while they're at work. Literally, there was a sign on the door that said, "Have fun or you're fired!" The creator even quoted someone who said, "Make your vocation a vacation," which really made an impression on me. Even though I'll probably never go into cartoons or television or anything like that, I want to end up having a career and living a life that I love... and I truly believe everything around me will fall into place once I learn to take care of myself.

They cited the source of the show's success as the positivity and pureness of Spongebob's character, something children can relate to and adults can appreciate. It's true, we can all take a lesson or two from him. There's a great scene where he finds a piece of paper that Squidward drops on the ground, and subsequently plays around with it a hundred different ways for fifteen minutes. When Squidward takes the paper back, it's just a boring piece of paper again. It's all about perspective... the world is so much more fun when you have a wonderful attitude. As for me, I'm just trying to stay positive, stay motivated, and never give up. I think now I'm going to hit the treadmill downstairs for a bit. IIII'm ready!

Three things I was thankful for yesterday:

-the Harry Potter series for being so imaginative and thought-provoking. It's weird, we kinda grew up with it.
-My stepdad for always making up new things to cook for dinner.
-My cousin Angela, who reminds me of myself when I was her age. I can't wait to be at RU with her next year!

I Need Breakfast!

Today started out realllllly slooowww. It may have seemed long because I was really hungry. I skipped breakfast once again and I vow that that will be my last time. For lunch I had another Lean Cuisine which I found out that they were kind of high in sodium. I decided that I need to go shopping and get some new foods that are more nutritious.

For dinner we had pasta again with meatballs and sausage. I skipped out on the sausage and just had meatballs (two small ones made with lean meat). We also had salad with cheese and olives.

After dinner, I had an applesauce and a cheese sandwich :( I know I could have done without it, but I guess I got a little over confident about my SIX pounds that I lost! :)

We skipped our workout tonight. I went with my dad to bring my grandmom back to Philly. I wish we did workout, I really did miss it. We'll get 'em tomorrow!

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) Fruit and yogurt... mmm
2) AC... it works now!
3) Pay day!!!

Daydreams

I totally passed out after my shower last night! I was nearly dead after I ran almost a half hour on Gina's treadmill... which isn't a lot for most people, but Jesus, considering this is the beginning of my second week, that's crazy. I'm pretty proud of myself. :)

Yesterday morning I went to what I thought was a cardio class at the gym... turned out it was mostly muscle toning and flexibility exercises. I walked outta there sorer than ever-- more proof that I should be doing more weights! I can't help but stick to cardio though, I just like it better. But if I'm going to get my limp stringbean arms into shape and my tummy and butt flatter and toned, I need to suck it up and work on my muscles. It'll be worth it!

Afterwards I went to Bob Evans with my mom and my siblings. While they ordered enormous stuffed omelets loaded with hash browns and biscuits on the side, I ordered the light platter which included scrambled low-cholesterol egg whites, a single turkey sausage link, and a small fruit and yogurt parfait. In comparison to everyone else's food, it seemed like a measly portion... but once I finished it, I was stuffed! I can't imagine eating much more than that for breakfast anymore. Weird, right? Lunchtime came and went as we went about our daily errands, so I had a banana to hold myself over (I know I know, bad habit! But we eat dinner early around here.) Dinner consisted of grilled tilapia over white rice, spinach, and salad. I had a small helping of white rice but it filled me up so much that I was still stuffed three hours later. I can't believe I used to go for seconds!

After dinner I took a dip in Gina's pool and actually got a little sun! We contemplated not working out at all because we were both tired, but we stuck it out and got dressed anyway. After the class this morning all I could handle was cardio, but that's ok. We only ended up working out for 45 minutes total, but it was more than enough for me. I don't want to do too much too fast. I ran 1.67 miles on the treadmill... next time I'm going to get to 2 miles, then eventually 3.

I find myself facing temptation with much less agony than I did a week ago. I guess I've realized that I don't depend on ice cream and cake to feel satisfied every day, and as long as I have some form of fruit in my diet, it's all the sweets I need. As wonderful as hash browns or fries or mashed potatoes or baked potatoes smell (and oh yes, I've smelled them all within close range in the past week), I know I don't need to eat them to feel full. My stomach doesn't rumble at night anymore. I don't compulsively check the fridge for leftovers when I'm bored. I think my body is starting to get the hang of healthy portion sizes! I never thought that was possible!

The mind has so much more power than we realize. I never thought I could resist my own cheesecake, but I did. I never thought I could stay focused enough to endure a full workout, but all I had to do was convince myself that I could handle it, and usually I just do what I do best-- daydream! When I'm on the treadmill I imagine myself on a sunny Italian beach with a lean healthy body. I imagine the Italian boys tripping over each other when they see Gina and I tanning on our towels, and especially when they hear our American accents. I imagine taking jogs along the water in my bikini at sunrise (since I'd have the energy to wake up that early), and meeting other friendly morning joggers along the way. According to The Secret, since I'm perfectly capable of conceiving all of these things, they are bound to actually happen. I totally believe it.

Three things I was thankful for yesterday:

-The vet for assuring us that Grace isn't too sick, all she needs are antibiotics and some rest.
-As much as it hurt, the fitness class at the gym. I really really needed to work on my arms, abs, and butt, which was 90% of the class! Whew!
-Gina's family for not getting sick of me yet haha!

Oh, Tuesday

Tuesdays Tuesdays Tuesdays.

I'm really really tired tonight, and it's late so this will most likely be a short blog.

I ended up skipping breakfast again this morning. I never seem to leave myself enough time before I leave for work. I did feel kind of lightheaded right before my lunch break, so it came just in time. I had a Lean Cuisine four cheese pizza for lunch which was really delicious. When I came from work, I literally passed out on my bed for about three hours. I woke up just in time for dinner. (What a coincidence! haha!) My mom made a pork roast in the crock pot and let it cook until it shredded... mmm... my mouth is watering just thinking about it. So I had a pork sandwich and salad for dinner. I really wished there was mashed potatoes on the side, but I lived without them.

After dinner we went out back for a swim, then did our workout in the basement. I wasn't as motivated today, I don't know why. Perhaps it was just the Tuesday Blues. haha Yes, I just made that up! Ok, I'm getting sleepy. Goodnight.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) My Buddha Board... just because it's so calming
2) My brother for being one of my best friends <3
3) My legs... they might not be the size or shape that I would like, but they never fail me. One of the boys in class told me that he wished he had a necklace that took him back in time so that he could walk again. Sitting there with my broken heart, it really made me think.

Monday Monday, so good to me

So today I got to weigh myself for the first time since last Tuesday... and I've dropped 2.5 pounds! How's that for a start? At this rate I can be down at least fifteen pounds by the time the school year starts, and have some great habits to take with me into my busy schedule. I'm stoked!

I feel like I ate more than usual today judging by the full feeling in my stomach... but honestly, I started my day out with a Dunkin Donuts small blueberry iced coffee with SKIM MILK and SPLENDA (absolutely unheard of for me until this week), then went on to have my usual fruit/yogurt/granola/hard boiled egg breakfast. For lunch I snacked on 1/4 of a leftover hoagie and lots of salad, and for dinner I had a salmon burger (~340 cal) on a white roll (only 110 calories according to the package) and some more salad. In between I had a small sugar free vanilla iced coffee with nonfat milk and Splenda from Starbucks. That doesn't really sound like more than usual... maybe I'm adjusting. No complaints!

I got up super early this morning to take the train home and still have time for the gym... and though I was only on the elliptical for a little over 20 minutes, I ended up burning 220 calories according to the machine. I'm working my way up! My goal next time is to get up to 300. After dinner I went back to Gi's for another intense basement workout, which I closed out with a 100-calorie burnoff on her treadmill. I wish my knees weren't so weak, cuz I really do enjoy the machines. You just close your eyes and go somewhere else in your mind and get really into the music, and not think about how much time has passed or how much it burns. It's really great stress relief and it's actually almost a form of meditation in my opinion. I hope to someday go an hour on the treadmill/elliptical... but baby steps first.

There's also something about not working out alone. It makes the whole process so much more bearable and it's actually really fun. I don't know how we haven't spent every summer doing something like this! I totally understand why friends will go running in the park together or bike everywhere together or whatever. Exercising is SO much better when you have good company... and especially with Gi, who already knows a lot of great exercises and ways to stretch. I swear, the hour just flew by this time! Tomorrow we're doing it again, and I hope to just keep that awesome sore feeling going. I love this!

Wow I just took a step back and reread this entry and I realize how far I have come in just a short week. My mentality has completely changed towards staying fit and being active and healthy. I never saw it as a lifestyle that could ever suit me and my sweet tooth and my laziness, but I've come to realize that I am who I decide to be. And if I decide to be healthy, then goddammit, I'm going to be healthy! I am defined by my actions, not my thoughts or my unrealized dreams. I do not need to be lazy. I do not need to be overweight. I do not need to lack confidence. Anything that I want for myself I am more than capable of reaching. I belong in the world of fit, active people as long as I want to be! I don't need to feel like an outsider anymore. I own gym shorts and a sports bra at this point for godsakes... doesn't that automatically mean I joined the club?

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-Splenda. I cannot believe I was so revolted by Splenda for the longest time. It's actually the most ingenious invention, and quite possibly the closest thing to sugar without actually being sugar. God bless.
-My high school parking lot for being the perfect place to start practicing driving. Yes, I drove today! I'm on my way to FINALLY getting a license!
-My friend Meghan for always going out of her way to keep in touch and stay in my life. We had a long phone convo today and it was just what I needed.

Awesome Yahoo Article

Neat and easy ways to burn calories all day, every day!

* by Liz Vaccariello, Editor-in-Chief

You know that friend, the one who is always tapping her leg, getting up to straighten the bookshelf, the one who generally just can’t sit still? She’s likely burning an extra 200 to 300 calories a day on top of any workouts she does or the amount of calories she burns just being alive. This process is neatly called NEAT, which stands for “NonExercise Activity Thermogenesis” (say that 5 times fast!), and it’s essential for successful weight loss. Basically, it’s the extra stuff you do, physically, all day long that adds up. Make a point to add more “neat” into your day and you can zap another 500 calories! Here are a few ideas:

Do crunches in bed: You could burn about 20 calories in under 5 minutes just by drawing your knees to your chest 25 to 50 times, plus it strengthens your abs and gets your blood pumping.


Dance around while getting dressed: Turn up the radio or listen to upbeat music on your iPod (if you can) while doing all your morning rituals—an hour of hip shakin’ can burn about 55 calories.
Tired of the belly fat? Dance it off!

Stand up! Don’t sit when you can be on your feet—you’ll burn about 40% more calories. So just take a stand—when you’re on the phone, watching kids at the playground, making small talk at a party.

Laugh: Watch something that’s consistently funny (like 30 Rock) and you could burn about 40 calories if you guffaw for 10 to 15 minutes straight.


Walk, pace, jog down the hall: In other words, MOVE! Doing little bits of activity all day—taking the stairs to use the restroom on another floor at work, doing an extra lap around the grocery store—can help you burn an additional 375 calories a day!

Back In the Swing of Things

So I didn't get a chance to blog last night, I was in a horrible mood. It was sooo hot in my room last night, and to top it off, my shades broke and my blinds fell. UGH. I woke up in a much better mood today- THANK GOD!

Yesterday (Sunday), I woke up and had a wheat bagel with cream cheese. For lunch I had two Fig Newtons... mmm, and some cheese and a cracker or two by the pool. (I gave most of it to Tia who was floating on a nearby raft-- LOL!) My dad barbecued for dinner... and this might answer your question, Dani, I had two chicken legs, vegetarian baked beans and a salad. Although it wasn't white meat, chicken was a healthier choice compared to the hamburgers, beef hot dogs and pork chops. Baked beans are also lower in calories, especially the vegetarian ones; I don't even miss the chunk of bacon!

Today was another day at work... it went by really quickly, I guess it was because the teacher kept us busy all day. I felt that way during student teaching, too. I skipped breakfast again... ugh... for lunch I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat bread with potato chips. Not the best choice in the world but better than fast food. There's just something about the salty chips with the sweet jelly in the sandwich. Or maybe I'm just sick. haha I had a bowl of pasta for dinner with a meatball and a small piece of sausage (and salad of course.) After dinner we had another pretty intense workout. I must say, it is getting a bit easier and I'm not as sore the next day. When my shower was through, I went downstairs and helped myself to an applesauce cup and a 100 calorie pack... I couldn't help it.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) My ears... I can listen to every type of music, sounds, and noises (no matter how annoying)
2) Pleo for being so amazing (I might bid on one at the end of the week, Dani, you in?)
3) Cream cheese for being so delicious...

Beautiful lazy day

So my stay in New Brunswick got extended an extra day since I totally slept through the morning which was the only time I could have gotten picked up from the train station. Go figure. At least it's the one place I can get all the food I ever crave, which is always great for my new diet. Not.

I am continually astounded at my self-control. Not only did I only order a grilled chicken salad at Old Man Rafferty's for my late lunch/dinner (I woke up at 1:30pm!), but I also ordered the 1/2 salad portion instead of the dinner salad. Go me! That together with the mozarella/tomato/basil appetizer, a fresh peach from Kelly and some popcorn during our True Blood fest this evening was my only intake for today. And my body is totally fine with that! No cakes, no candies, no cookies. That popcorn probably wasn't amazing for me, but considering I only had one square meal today, I can deal with the butter and the salt for once.

I didn't get a chance to work out yesterday or today, which actually makes me feel really terrible. So I'm getting up extra early tomorrow, taking the train home, and immediately hitting the gym with my mom. I'm going to try and do over 200 calories on the elliptical. We'll see how I do!

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-Kelly for being the most wonderful hostess, and her friends for introducing me to True Blood!
-New Brunswick. It might be a little filthy or scary in some places, but I love it. It's home to me.
-Pesto. I forgot how much I love it. And it's actually not that bad for you! Kelly and I decided we want to learn how to make it from scratch. Mmmm.

Party Time

Yes, it's 4am. Yes, I ate a Nerds Rope tonight in a moment of weakness. No I don't want to talk about it.

I went to Dave and Busters for a friend's birthday party in New York City, and while it was amazingly fun, it gave me hundreds of opportunities to go off track of my new health plan. Thank GOD they list the calories on their menu... on top of splitting an edamame appetizer with a friend, I was able to pick a chicken chipotle dish that wouldn't send me much past my limit (I didn't finish the chicken, nor did I touch the loaded mashed potatoes that came with it). However, the one Bud Light and the Nerds Rope most likely sent me over the edge, along with the white rice that came with my Vietnamese lunch. I am DEFINITELY hitting my mother's treadmill the minute I get home tomorrow/today.

I feel like birthday parties and other celebrations are really going to present a problem for me. What about pregaming barbecues for football games once the school year starts? What about the first night everyone is able to go barhopping together in September? What about afterparties for my concerts? What about Thanksgiving? The truth is, celebration always calls for alcohol or unhealthy food, and lots of it. I am amazed that I didn't gorge myself on the nacho supreme appetizer and four beers and dessert like I usually would, but I definitely ate way more today than I should have. Will I do this every time there is a party? I love parties, I consider myself a partyer by nature... but this simply cannot happen.

There are ways to drink alcohol without doing serious damage to your diet. I've read that sticking with rum and diet coke, light beers, or even some light sangría won't hurt as much as, say, White Russians... which used to be my favorite! I already swore off binge drinking... there's no way I'm going to get so wasted that I don't know where I am. But I cannot say that I will not ever have alcohol, because that is just not possible. I like to unwind with my friends on the weekend, and especially at things like birthday parties! On days where I know I will be drinking alcohol by night time, I'll make sure to go extra light on my meals just to try and balance things out. More greens, less breads, more water, less juice. I'm still not sure what to do about things like barbecues or huge family parties, except good old portion control and lots of salad.

Ah, another lesson learned. Though I'm a bit disappointed in myself for giving into the candy, I'd consider today one more victory. Since we took the very last train out of New York, it has gotten obscenely late and I should definitely be asleep on my friends couch with my iPod in, since I can clearly hear her apartmentmate drunkily having sex next door. Awesome.

Aaaanyway. Three things I'm thankful for today:

-The cute fluffy elephant I won at Dave and Busters! It served me well as a makeshift pillow on the train.
-My college friends for always being so much fun and making me laugh.
-Finally getting to visit my new apartment for the first time today. I can already tell it's going to be a very special place to live.

Lot's To Do

I had a very busy day today. I woke up early to find out if Marley was ready to come home! I got up and dressed and zoomed to the vet to go pick him up. When they brought him out, he literally jumped into my arms- it was so adorable. When I got home we all hung out with Marley and saw that he was basically himself again, besides some paw-licking. Since we can open up the windows again, he chilled in the breeze on the windowsills in the kitchen. (He switches sills every once in a while for a different view...haha!)

My mom and I went outside for a swim, but lo and behold, it was dirty! lol We got in- vacuumed, scrubbed and swam for a bit then went back inside for dinner. I made some pasta (Mom had the gravy and meatballs already made) and we had salad too. I was feeling really energetic so I volunteered to do the dishes and clean the kitchen. After that I finished up my laundry, cleaned my room, cleaned Frankie's room, cleaned the basement, washed my bathroom walls, took out the trash, vacuumed upstairs, made a killer workout playlist, hung out with Frankie, took a shower... whoa. No wonder my feet are killing me. (haha I sound like an old lady)

Annnyyyywayyyyyy! I had a yogurt for breakfast, a slice of pizza for lunch...yum, 15 tortilla chips and salsa for a snack (not many calories at all), pasta, meatball and salad for dinner and a granola bar for a snack.

Three things I'm thankful for:
1) This body lotion that I bought on the cruise... brings back memories *sigh*
2) OPI nail polish
3) My high energy!! I got so much done today =)

P.S. I thought this picture was pretty funny!

Pizza Pizza

I had another great day today! I had crackers for a quick breakfast. (I bought them from the school school at work since I didn't pack anything again.) For lunch I went out and got one slice of pizza, instead of two. I was still satisfied. It is definitely all about portion control. For dinner I had a turkey and cheese hoagie with baked lays potato chips. It was delicious!

After dinner Danielle came over for another intense kickboxing workout! I didn't sweat that much when I took the kickboxing class! haha I'm really enjoying our workouts! Over the weekend, Danielle won't be around so I'll have to motivate myself to jump on the treadmill for a workout.

So after my lovely shower I went downstairs and had a few tortilla chips with salsa, but not many at all. Back in the day (ha!) I could have eaten the entire bag! Tomorrow I might have another slice for lunch, but again, just one. :)

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) My iHome...can't live without it!
2) My fan since our AC is making funny noises =(
3) Marley!!! He comes home tomorrow morning!!!

Control

Sorry I never blogged yesterday, I was entertaining guests till literally 5am, which screwed me out of my morning workout AND my efforts towards a regular sleep schedule. I really need to give myself a set bedtime.

HOWEVER, I absolutely must pat myself on the back for baking my sister the most perfect chocolate chip cheesecake known to man for her birthday yesterday and not having a single slice. Hell, I didn't even lick the batter off my fingers while I made it. Now THAT'S dedication. We won't even talk about the other cakes and cookies present last night, or how I endured the smell of Wendy's at 2am and didn't lunge for the fries like a wildcat. I surprise myself more and more every day.

I'm a little worried that I took too much meatloaf for dinner yesterday (I had a small piece and a half with my salad and peas, didn't touch the mashed potatoes!) But I did only have two meals since I woke up late, and I COMPLETELY deprived myself of delicious desserts... so that balances out in my mind. Today I woke up at 1pm (whoops!) and after bathing the puppy, had a nice turkey and tomato sandwich with mustard on whole wheat, plus an 80 calorie yogurt and some fresh mango... and of course, a cup of coffee. For dinner we couldn't resist trying out this new hoagie place nearby... and I know I promised myself no white breads, but I'm going to have to eat the dinner served at my house. I don't have the money to buy myself my own dinners, but what I CAN do is control my portion sizes. I only ate half an Italian hoagie and never went for any chips or the leftovers. Score.

Tonight I went over to Gina's and had a WONDERFUL workout in her basement. I was sweating like a banshee but for some reason the workout felt much easier than last time. Maybe I need to step it up a notch. I'm really amazed at my self-control and my willingness to work hard for this. Though I'm already starting to miss all the wonderful sweets that usually make up 25% of my diet, I know those cravings will stop being so intense.

I'm a little worried that I will not be able to completely deprive myself of sweets, so I'm going to allow myself a tiny slice of cake/scoop of ice cream/whatever every two weeks or so. Let's say twice a month. While I do need to be strong and tell myself not to have more than just a few bites, I don't want my body to completely freak out for changing my habits so drastically... sweets to me are like drugs, I probably can't quit cold turkey without experiencing insane withdrawal.

Weight loss isn't about deprivation. It's about control. I'm trying to be as smart as I can about all of this, because it's a big change. I don't want to start out too intensely either, because I don't want to run out of steam. I need to be making habits that I can stick to permanently, and I need to be realistic about it. I'm going to have white breads every once in a while because I don't control what is made for dinner. I'm going to have sweets every now and then because I have spent all of my life eating them frequently, and taking them away totally is just not realistic.

I'm happy that I can still make delicious desserts without having to taste them. I'm happy that I am still as dedicated to this as I was five days ago. I am happy that I am not doubting myself, and in fact I'm coming up with more aspirations that can turn into realities if I keep this up. I'm discovering that my days of excess and recklessness are over, and I'm growing into a woman who wants a purpose and a schedule and a reason to get up in the morning. Though I will always be laid-back and go where the tide takes me, I won't let go of who I am and what I want out of pure apathy. I do care about myself and where my life is going. God isn't just going to hand me my life on a silver platter while I float around idly. I need to stand up for myself. I need to have control. And I do... I realize that now more than ever. I have control. I have control! It's amazing!

Three things I am thankful for today:

-The beautiful weather. I can't believe how mild it is for July. Yay global warming!
-Mangoes. They just taste like summertime... and they're pretty low in calories!
-My brand new earrings that my friend Gen made me. They're gorgeous. I love her!

Marley<3

I woke up today SO SORE from our kickboxing workout last night, but that wasn't really on my mind. I had to find Marley (my one year old kitten) to take him to the Vet to be de-clawed. We tried everything, but he just wouldn't stop clawing at the screens. He couldn't eat anything since midnight last night, so he was very hungry this morning. I felt his pain... haha.

Yes, I skipped breakfast again this morning. For lunch I had a ham and cheese sandwich on 110 calorie bread with a 100 calorie chex mix pack. haha I live on those 100 calorie packs. When I came home from work, I fell right asleep until 6:30! What a bum! I really needed it since I didn't get much sleep last night. I couldn't get comfortable with my sore body and thinking about Marley. For dinner, I had two chicken legs and a salad with olives. After dinner, I had some apple sauce... yummm. I wasn't really up for working out today, obviously, but tomorrow is another day.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) Already losing weight!
2) Frankie... for making me laugh <3
3) This wonderful breeze coming in my window. (YESSS we can open windows again!)

So I HOPE I can dance...

::crawls to computer:: Must... blog...

The only reason I let it get this late is cuz of our new puppy, Grace. She kept whining in her crate so I let her sleep on me for two hours... I didn't have the heart to put her back! It was worth the sleep deprivation to watch her pass out in my arms with her tongue sticking out. SO cute.

Today before breakfast I went back to the gym with my mom for the Cardio Dance class. It wasn't as difficult as many similar dance workout classes I've taken, so I didn't get discouraged like I usually do (I hate feeling like the only one giving up on certain exercises or taking as many water breaks as possible). After our workout I feasted on vanilla yogurt mixed with bananas and a handful of whole grain mini wheat cereal, and of course, a cup of coffee. I let my sweet tooth get the best of me by lunchtime-- I ordered a Paradise Lust smoothie with my chicken caesar wrap from Amazon Cafe. About 1/4 of the way in, I realized that the overwhelming sugary-ness was making me feel guilty, so I stopped and gave the rest to my brother. For dinner I mixed in a piece and a half of bbq chicken with my salad, and helped myself to plenty of peas and string beans instead of the baked potatoes.

After dinner I headed over to Gi's for a late night workout in her basement. I had NO idea how intense kickboxing could be until I found myself coated in sweat after a few jabs at the bag! My legs and my butt are still incredibly sore from all those kicks... I don't want to think about how it will feel by tomorrow morning. I really enjoyed what I learned, and I'd definitely be up for joining a kickboxing rec class at school in September. It was also really nice to work out in private, too... the gym does make me feel really self-conscious.

I made a confession to Gina before I went home that I never told anyone, but I may as well come out with it now: I've always wished that I was a dancer. Because my knees and ankles have always been very weak, I've been discouraged from any kind of strenuous physical activity (which has led to my current state), but especially dancing. Since I started putting on the extra weight, my ankles have a hard time supporting it all, so I don't have the balance, grace, or strength required of a dancer. But somehow I just know that I have it in me to dance, and dance well!

Gi gave me the idea of wrapping my ankles for extra support. That's probably a REALLY good idea, since I run the risk of hurting myself if I hit the treadmill too hard. But if someday I get the dancer's body that I've always wanted, I plan to take some dance classes. I've always wanted to learn the traditional ballroom styles, from waltz to tango to salsa. There's just something so classic and sexy and mesmerizing about ballroom dance, ya know? I love the outfits and the music and the emotions and the chemistry. So now my secret dream is not so secret... guess that means I have to go for it. Let's hope my ankles can hold up until then!

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-Little Miss Grace for being the sweetest puppy in the world and lighting up our lives.
-Amazon Cafe. Their stuff is amazing and healthy, and they even list the calories of their smoothies on the menu! Plus, they deliver. Bangin'.
-The Ting Tings for being AWESOMELY catchy! I'm totally adding that to my workout playlist... and Gi, I love how you used it as your blog theme today! So clever.

That's Not My Name

:-D Today was a really amazing day. I ended up skipping breakfast once again, but had lunch at noon with my mom, uncle and cousins at home on my break. I had a half of a hot dog with a 100 calorie pack of chex mix. When I came home from work I was STARVING... but I didn't give in! I waited for dinner... which was a Jimmy Buff's sandwich. It's a pita roll with sausage, onions and potatoes... I know I know... but I didn't even eat half. I filled up on salad and threw the rest in the trash. I was so proud of myself. Last week, I would have at least TRIED to finish the entire thing.

After dinner, I listened to some music while waiting for Dani to come over to work out. I didn't snack on anything, which was such an accomplishment for me. Boredem= food. Instead, I made a playlist for us to workout to. So we got a late start to our work out, but it was a great one! I taught Dani some kickboxing basics and she caught on really quickly. This type of workout really tones your arms and definitely your legs. A lot of times in kickboxing, you are working your core without even knowing it, but we did crunches too. We are going to work up to partner sit-ups. I am really sore right now, and I love it! I can't wait to see the transformation. :)

On our drive back to Dani's house we had a discussion about our childhood and adolecence. *sigh* I feel like we both went through so much that we never talked about. After our discussion, I put the radio on for the drive home and "That's Not My Name" came on, which just happened to be the first song that we worked out to. As I sang along on the way home, I was still thinking about middle school, going through a big move from school to school and that whole tumultuous time. As lame as this may sound, I remembered this boy named Pat who would call me "Fat Girl" in eighth grade. I couldn't believe he was talking to ME! I wasn't even "FAT" it was puberty for GOD'S SAKE! From then on, I had a complex about my weight. That's all going to change- ONCE AND FOR ALL. "Fat Girl" is NOT MY NAME.

Three things I'm thankful for:

1) The children at my work, who bring a smile to my face everyday
2) My lovely iPod, which helped us workout today :)
3) My mom, who continues to inspire and help me <3

:)

Danielle did a lovely job of explaining our childhood-which I must say was wonderful- and how we got to where we are today. College has done me wrong-- actually I did myself wrong. I started my poor eating habits with fast food... simply because it was easy and "good" but I'm definitely paying now.

Today was a good day: I had a yogurt for breakfast, 1/2 cheese sandwich and an applesauce for lunch, and pasta and one lean meatball for dinner. After dinner, I thought about eating this delicious looking pastry... but opted for 100 calorie chips ahoy instead. Phew! (The pastry is still sitting on the counter- icing and all! haha)

I watched the Michael Jackson memorial, the entire airing, I just couldn't stop watching. I thought that it was going to be a circus and a freak show, but it was actually really beautiful. I'll admit, I cried. Those poor children. :( After dinner, I fell asleep and did NOT get to work out with Dani!! UGHHH! Tomorrow we will have to work twice as hard! :)

Three things I am thankful for:

1) My mom for being supportive everyday :)
2) 100 calorie packs for my sweet tooth
3) Michael Jackson's music <3 which we can hopefully work out to tomorrow!!

A Fair Trade

Day two. It's almost 11pm and I am SO hungry. It took every ounce of control and concentration to not leap up and eat half of the leftover cake and sticky buns on the kitchen counter... but I made a promise to myself NOT to eat past 8pm no matter what. So I'm filling my rumbling stomach with water for the evening... sigh.

I am, however, extremely proud of myself for resisting all of today's temptations and focusing on the life and body I am aiming to have. I had a granola bar, a banana, and a hard-boiled egg for lunch with a cup of coffee for my very very late breakfast. After that my sister and I walked to the park, went on the swings, and put our rollerskates on for a bit. In the July heat and considering the 1.5+ mile walk each way, I worked up quite a sweat! Then for dinner I had an Oriental Chicken Salad at Friendly's, which seemed like the healthiest thing on the menu (we always go out to eat with our dad on Tuesday nights, and to my dismay my siblings insisted on Friendly's). I looked up the calories later-- a whopping 750! Thank GOD I had a late breakfast! I had another 100 calorie granola bar before the clock struck 8pm... and I begrudgingly called it a night.

I talked to Gina about this in the car yesterday, but it seems that our consumerist society views food as a huge free for all. Since food is readily available in every variety and custom-built to make our mouths water enough to empty our pockets, we can't help but be dazzled. We're like wide-eyed kids in a candy store. We can't help but forget that there are consequences to our actions.

Nothing in this world is free... and though yes, we do pay for our food with the green stuff, that cheeseburger on the dollar menu is costing you much more than a dollar. Whenever you eat something unhealthy, you are making a different kind of transaction. You are essentially saying, "Ok, since I took this unhealthy food for a fleeting moment of satisfaction, I need to give away my health. I need to give away my attractive figure. I need to give away my positive self image. I need to give away my sanity and my happiness." WHAT? Giving up a happy life in exchange for temporary satisfaction? Does this sound like a fair trade?! Not to me it doesn't!

I'm looking to make trades that will benefit me. I want to trade my shame for PRIDE in my appearance. I want to trade in my laziness for ENERGY and STAMINA. I want to trade in my slovenly ways for organized PLANS and GOALS and DREAMS. I want to trade in my bad habits for good ones. I want to trade in depression for pure joy. The best part is, I don't need to worry about anyone failing to meet me halfway on these deals, because these are all deals I'm making with myself. Working hard and giving up old habits in exchange for the life I've always dreamed about? Now that's what I call a fair trade.

Three things I'm thankful for today:

-My dad for not mercilessly grilling me about why I don't have a job and understanding I just need time to relax and figure things out
-The beautiful (almost) full moon outside
-My sister for rollerskating around like an three year old child with me... I didn't feel so bad for being so out of practice! We'll get better. :)